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27 March 2011 @ 01:36 am
BAG SHINEE SECURITY PART 2  
Title: Playing around (Oh god)

Warnings: Mary Sue, everybody wants her! OOC!SHINee

Rating: Does Stupid have a rating?

Characters/pairings: Her/Everyone (but not yet that's a spoiler, oops)

Synopsis: Where's my bag? Oh look, it's SHINee. Hey.

badfic rating: D for dexcellent on a badfic scale of 1-10, we give it a 5, aka an Aaron Eckhart

 




SHINee groans when they see it’s still not over and Key smacks his forehead.

“I’d rather watch the God Father, I swear!”

Before they get to retort and tell him how good it was, Onew shushes them and the scene continues.

-Awkward silence-

Onew: The story of my freakin life!

Jonghyun: Taylor Swift writes all the stories of my life –places hand on heart and sighs-

Taemin: So she writes about how you this bitch took the guy you like?

Do you know how to dance? Asked Taemin breaking the silence.

Key: WAIT! BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT! We don’t really care. So what he should have said was “do you know how to dance…..NOT!”

Jonghyun: WAYNE’S WORLD! WAYNE’S WORLD! PARTY TIME, EXCELLENT!

Onew: It would be Onew’s world……because I’m the leader.

Key: Key’s world.

Jonghyun: Wayne’s!

Onew: -silently- Onew’s

I bit on my lip... “A little” I whispered putting up my hand pinching the air. 

Minho: Ah, fat and self-abuser. Seems like Taemin’s ideal type, seeing as he likes girls who are hurt.

Taemin: Hey I only said it because I was under pressure.

Jonghyun: Really? Then how did Onew chip his tooth? How did Minho rupture his calf? How did I sprain my ankle? IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG ADMIT IT.

Taemin: -whispers- you’re next

Key: What?

Taemin: Nothing.

“Hyung play replay!” he shouted at the stage.

Jonghyun: YEAH CUZ WE’RE IN FREAKIN CHARGE OF ALL THAT TECHNICAL CRAP!

Key: Why would we even let Onew near that stuff? Why the hell would the staff just leave all the equipment out in the open for someone to steal??

Minho: We would be bankrupt if we let Onew near anything

“Arroso” said some tiny voice behind the stage.

We waited for the music, waiting...waiting...waiting. Okay this is boring, I exhaled still waiting when...BAM!! The music filled the entire room, ecoing off the walls. I cupped my ears and felt my face cringe “HYUNG TURN IT DOWN” said Taemin

Minho: Okay so she can feel her face doing stuff outside of it…..what does that mean?

Jonghyun: It means she’s fat, hurts herself and is hooked on drugs?

Taemin: LSD anyone?

Jonghyun: -pulls out his belt- WHO GAVE YOU THE DRUGS!?

The music was adjusted to level that didn’t make your ears wanna bleed. “Sorry!” said the tiny voice

Key: Because ears have feelings too you know.

Onew: AGAIN WITH THE TINY VOICE! My voice isn’t that small!

Jonghyun: But it is small?

He began dancing in front of me “Come on dance' said taemin

Taemin: Eww, I don’t dance with girls. Most of them dance like Hyuna all sexy but no actual dance moves

Jonghyun: What about the time you danced with Hara? Or Yoona?

Taemin: They’re not girls!

….

I shook my head, “Nahh its okay, I like watching you dance” I said smiling

Onew: So she grabbed her head and just shook it around?

Minho: She’s a self abuser….. –pats Onew’s shoulder-……remember that.

All of a sudden I felt someone take my hand, I turned around to see Key. KYA~ HE'S HOLDING MY HAND! I felt him place something in my hand, I looked down to see a mic.”No no no I can't sing” I said trying to hand back the mic.

Key:  EWW WHY WOULD I TOUCH HER NASTY CRUSTY HANDS THIS IS PURE 100% PERCENT RIDICULOUS!

Taemin: HAND SANITIZER! WE NEED A BUCKET OF PURELL UP IN THIS BITCH.

 “Muh-uh everyone can sing, its just whether you sing well or not” said Key giving me a mehrong . I tried giving away the mic, everyone's hand was behind their back. I heard 3OH!3's My First Kiss starting to play, I took a deep breath. Well you only live once, might as well live life to the fullest.

Onew: Ahh! That explains it! It’s her motto to be fat!

Taemin: Watch as how we’re somehow super impressed with her singing.

“ My first kiss went a little like this~*smooch* and twist *smooch* *smooch* and twist” sang Key as he finished he pointed at me. Oh dear... I'm going to regret this, I lightly pushed him away and began singing“ Well my first kiss went a little like this *smooch* and twist *smooch* *smooch*”. Before I knew it the song was already over

Key: There’s nothing I hate more than unnecessary lyrics in fics, it just makes you seem like you’re trying to up your word count.

Onew: I thought you hated Inuyasha with Family Guy dub.

Key: That too.

Taemin: Wait so everything went by faster and……it’s the drugs! They make everything go by faster!

Minho: You would know.

“ You're pretty good at singing” Said Minho

Key: Eww, nasty. You talked to the fat chick, you’re nasty.

Minho: No! I would never! Listen to me babe!

Taemin: Since when do you call Key babe?

Minho: Since I watched Hot Rod?

Onew: Why don’t you call me ba-

Jonghyun: Because your hands are fatasses!

“AND YOUR ENGLISH! ITS FLUENT!” Said Key

Key: First of all, I don’t shout and I’m pretty fluent in English myself. Nicole is and that’s not very impressive. What makes her so special.

Onew: You only shout when you’re angry…or excited…or you see a spider…

Minho: I bet that spider makes Key scream louder than you ever could.

Onew: You shout over everything then.

Jonghyun: Wait, whose Minho talking about?

Key: Wait…..who let you out of your cage?

“Yeh, I'm from Canada/America”

Key: Yeh? Gangsta fatass who hurts herself and does drugs. You really learn a lot about a person through these kinds of fics.

Taemin: Like how delusional they are.

“Really?” 

Key: We don’t pry that much! Do we pry that much? I don’t think so.

“Yes, really”

Key: Why would anyone lie about they’re from. Oh, I’m from France, that’s totally gonna benefit me in the future blablablah.

Jonghyun: You are?

Taemin: Well you lie about where you’re from to sound cooler. Like if I said I was from Czechoslovakia it would sound cool but I would be lying because Czechoslovakia doesn’t exist anymore.

Onew: THE MORE YOU KNOW!

Jonghyun: Meanwhile, I’m from Oregano, a province from the lost city of Atlantis but no one’s bowing down to me.

Key: You’re stupid, get back in your cage.

All of a sudden we hear someones stomach growling, everyone's eyes shift to Onew. "What I'm hungry" said Onew rubbing his belly.

Jonghyun: Fatass is canon.

Key: Just his hands, friend.

Jonghyun: Ah, true that……..to the sixth power.

Onew: I don’t like math and I don’t like badfics.        

Minho: Everyone knows math and badfic go hand in hand.

Taemin: Like being fat and doing drugs and being gangster and hurting yourself.

Key: That’s four hands-

Jonghyun: DEFORMED!

“Lets go eat want to come?” asked Taemin. I quickly nodded my head.

Onew: OH GOD DON’T INVITE HER TAEMIN 5 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR.

“Let me get my jacket” said Key

Taemin: Is it fabulous and sparkly and generally a glittery sight?

Jonghyun: You bet your sweet sugar tits it is, but not when it’s around a deformed fatass who-

Minho: Her description is getting too long.

“Me too” said Minho

“Me too” said Taemin

Key: Repetitive much.

Minho: I think it’s more of an emphasis…..to emphasize the fact that she and Jonghyun are going to be alone.

Jonghyun: Wait what’s going to happen?

“I'll come too” said Onew. They all exited the stage walking,skipping and even running until they disappeared behind the stage. 

Onew: She could have just said we left happily…

Key: This is badfic don’t expect too much.

Jonghyun: Ha, that’s what the waver we had to sign before coming here said.

Me and Jonghyun were alone...awkward “So why are you still here? Wait i mean it like your the only one here ? Idontmeanitlikethatimeanitinlessrudeway gahhsorry”

 

“It's okay” I said smiling “ I lost my bag and the security around here are kinda careless” I said making a :/ face 

Onew:  Or….. “That’s alright,” I said with a smile, “I lost my bag and the security here sucks balls.” I continue, grimacing and flipping Jonghyun off and then body slamming him and suffocating him with my hairy armpits”

Jonghyun: Onew-hyung……what have I ever done to you?

Key: -High fives Onew- YEAH BABE THAT’S THE STUFF!

“Want me to help?” asked Jonghyun

I can’t when she’s hurt me so much…..she hurt me real bad.

Key: Ah, an abuse fic. Badfics with rape and abuse are just awful- THERE’S PEOPLE WHO HAVE ACTUALLY GONE THROUGH THAT SHIT FATASS!

Onew: You leave my hands out of this!

'Really?! That be awesome!!!! I MEAN that would be helpful, thanks” 

Jonghyun: That be? That be gangsta yo! Marius is my black friend!

Onew: She’s mean? She is speaking gangster like so…..she be mean.

I turned around and jumped down off the stage, oww charley horse, charley horse. I began jumping on one leg.

Jonghyun: What!?!? Suddenly she has a horse named Charlie!?

Key: People farm in Canada and America right? So that tells us one more thing about her…..

Taemin: SO SHE’S A REDNECK NOW? GOD THIS GIRL CAN’T STICK TO ONE STORY CAN SHE

Onew: MARY SUE! DRINK! Onew and Jonghyun drink-

Key: You guys made a drinking game out of this?!

Onew and Jonghyun: It dulls the pain in our haatos.

“Are you okay?” I looked behind me and saw jjong jump down all cooly...DAYUM. 

Key: HOW DARE YOU USE MY NICKNAME FOR JJONG YOU FATASS!

Onew: My hands didn’t do anything!

Minho: Since when was Jonghyun cool?

“Um, yeah...just clumsy” I limped/ran/hopped towards my seat. "I was sitting right here" Waving my arms around the seat.

Jonghyun: She can do so many things at once- Mary Sue! DRINK!

Onew: Limping isn’t attractive unless I cause it…..on another guy.

Taemin: Oh that’s right, you guys are gay drunks.

He bent down and looked under the chair "Nope not here"

Jonghyun: Ahh! Good thing I wasn’t naked, because then she would have raped me.

Minho: Girls can’t rape guys.

Jonghyun: Why not?

Key: Sweetie…….girls don’t haven penises.

Jonghyun: They don’t?

Taemin: God how stupid can you get?

Jonghyun: I LOVE YOU MARIUS!

Key: Key: Don’t forget that the idiot is drunk Taeminnie, so please, never drink.

I felt the corners of my lips sink down

Taemin: EWW! GRAVITY IS NOT WORKING IN HER FAVOR!

Key: That means her boobs are gonna go down the drain once Jonghyun gets with her.

Jonghyun: I would never want sewer boobies!

" How about i tell manger hyung to have someone report to us when your bag is found."

Taemin: Because we can tell manager hyung to do that. Totally.

Minho: He lets you watch porn in his room, anything is possible.

“That would be great,thanks” I smiled

“Alright lets eat, come on” said Key

“I'm starving so hungry I could eat myself” said Onew biting himself... I whispered to Jonghyun “ Should I pretend to laugh?” he slowly shook his head disapprovingly .

Taemin: CANNIBAL!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!

Onew: But I didn’t—

Key: CANNIBAL!!!

“ONEW CONDITION”

Onew: YOU DON’T KNOW ME!

Jonghyun: CANNIBAL!!



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